The Creative Process....

(Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence) (I should probably note that there will be a lot of female artists floating around on this blog today, because I'm listening to a playlist on my iPod rather than iTunes proper on my computer.) (Swimming Home - Evanescence)

Well, it's certainly been an eventful couple of weeks in my life! Perhaps this is just me overly romanticizing my life again, but I have this weird sense that last Saturday was sort of a turning point in my existence.

In the wake of my successful (in my view, though I didn't actually get in the band) audition last week, I had another browse of Craigslist. I made contact with a guy in Oregon City who composes his own stuff, tracks his own demos, and is looking for a female vocalist to sing for his demos and maybe join the band if it works out well. (What You Want - Evanescence) He sent me six mp3 files of rough demos he's cooked up for me to play with. And by "play with" I mean "listen to repeatedly and try to write lyrics and melodies for".

Surprisingly, this task does not seem as daunting to me as it probably should. (What I See - Lacuna Coil.... I'm getting distracted by LOTS of shiny things right now) It's a challenge, yes, but it's so far been a fun one. So I thought I would share with you all the tactics I've decided to use for this project, plus my own semi-whacked maunderings, and if anyone who reads this has ever done anything similar before they should feel free to leave a comment advising me on my technique.

So, what does someone with no professional experience in music do when presented with the task of composing lyrics and melodies to six heavy metal tracks? Well, first I put my kid to bed. Then I go into my bedroom, turn on the lava lamp, the black light, and the purple chili pepper lights, and I grab the good headphones (the purple Skullcandy ones that are the most expensive pair of headphones I have ever owned), the laptop, a bottle of water, and the official notebook designated to be the repository of any and all song/band-related ideas from here on out until it has no more pages. (Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson)

These items gathered, I migrate to the desk and establish base camp there. Headphones are plugged into the laptop, pen and notebook are laid out beside the laptop, bottle of water within easy reach (not because of singing, but because water is the beverage of champions), and the six mp3s are downloaded into a single folder on the desktop for convenience.

The first song to be listened to has been determined randomly by a system we call "the order the computer put them in, which is not alphabetical".  (Dolphin - Poe) First listen through, I don't think about it too much... I just listen and sort of get a feel for the rhythm and tone of the song. The correct position for this is eyes closed, elbows on the desk, hands over the earpieces of the headphones making sure no extra noise gets in. For the second listen through, I pick up the pen. I listen once again with eyes closed, but if I have a sudden flash of insight I open my eyes and scribble it down.

This is the bit where it's gonna sound like I'm on crack, but I swear I'm sober. Tired, but sober. Anyway, by the second listening, I start to hear words. No joke. Just fragmented sentences here and there, but generally sticking to a theme. I jot all of these down, even if I'm not going to end up using all of them (or any of them!) (Choking the Cherry - Poe) The third listen through I do pretty much the same thing, and usually by the end of it I at least have an idea of a melody in my head. I have been told that the guy writing all this music would like to have melodic female vocals combined with male screaming/growling (a combination I happen to like), and occasionally I even think of some good parts for the guy and jot those down too. I'll listen to the song a fourth time to see if I get anything I missed, but that's about it.

See, this guy (who is called Paul) has just asked me to pick one or two of the six songs that I want to play with and develop those two, then he can judge for himself if he likes the directions my mind wanders in. (Sorrow - Flyleaf) The titles he has assigned the mp3 files, he says, are only identifying titles he knows the songs by and not necessarily the final title of the song or at all indicative of what he thinks the song is about. So mostly I'm to ignore those, though some of them would make good band names... lol. I think probably that's indicative that we would at least jive creatively, since I like his completely fake song titles and think they might make good band names.

(Fly Away - Poe) I have so far only been through this much of the process with four of the six songs, and of those four I have a clear favorite and another that I will consider if I end up not liking the two I haven't listened to yet. My idea is, once I have narrowed down which two I want to work with, I will take my quick impression notes for those two songs and try to develop them into full lyrics for the song. If and when I get that far, I'll make a seriously low-quality recording (possibly on my phone, but maybe with my computer) of myself singing my lyrics and melody along with the rough demo he sent me. This I shall submit for his approval, and if he likes it I presume the next step would be to get together and record some better quality demos and start getting the band together. This, at least, is my understanding.

(I'm Not an Angel - Halestorm) So anyway, I'm enjoying having the creative freedom to pretty much give these songs whatever treatment I want. I'm feeling all Lacuna Coil up in here, and I Like It (to borrow the title of a Lacuna Coil song). And just for fun and games, I took a nice little picture of my workspace this evening and I thought I'd add it to the blog to give it that homey feel....


Oh, and Wide Awake by Lacuna Coil came on the iPod while I was fiddling about pulling the picture off of Facebook to stick on the blog. Perhaps this is fitting, given my current state of wakefulness at a time at which I should reasonably be sleeping rather than blogging or lyricizing (which may not actually have been a word, but it is now!)

Speaking of things that just came on my iPod, I didn't even know there was such thing as Italian Reggae until I discovered Radici nel Cemento because one of my  Italian friends posted the song Bella Ciccia on their Facebook wall. Once you get over the absurdity of Italian Reggae as an extant genre, it's kinda catchy... lol.

Song o' the Day: "Swimming Home" by Evanescence, because I was singing it in the shower earlier after Zumba. My neighbors will probably be really glad when I finally move out... lol. I'd link you to a place to see/hear this one, but I'm feeling lazy. YouTube it yourself. You won't find a vid because there isn't one, but no doubt some fanboy/girl has uploaded the song to YouTube along with a montage of stunning photos of Amy Lee.

For the record, Cristina Scabbia is hotter. And generally more likeable as a person, from what I can tell. ;-)

So I'm not in a band... but who cares?! :-)

Though I was not notified directly (at least not as of the time of this writing), it would seem that the band I auditioned for yesterday has decided to go a different direction. I ascertained this from the guitarist's Facebook posting referring to the new vocalist as "him" and then checked my anatomy and determined I was out of the running.

Hardly surprising... rock is still a man's world, but we're making headway!

However, I feel the need to elaborate a bit on some of the positive things that came out of this experience, lest people think I'm going to sit around and cry now. No, I'm not crying. I haven't cried. I'm not going to cry. I think that covers all my verb tenses.

See, here's the thing... yesterday, I did something I've always wanted to do but only dreamed of doing. Cross one off the bucket list. And you know why I never did it before? Because the idea scared the crap out of me, that's why. I'm totally comfortable singing in cars, showers, my own house, etc., but going and singing in front of complete strangers knowing that they're judging me every second? Heck naw, bro! But I did it anyway and you know what? It was amazing. It was fun (after the first few moments of terror), I met some cool people, and perhaps more importantly I learned that I can do stuff I didn't think I could do. Seriously, I pretty much feel like I could take the world on now... so what if a bunch of musicians picked a dude instead of me?! I learned that I can overcome the fear and self-consciousness and do instead of just dream, and I think that's a pretty valuable lesson, TVYM. Well worth the two hours I spent on the audition process.

In that spirit, I've done two things today... I set for myself a rather lofty goal which I shall perhaps detail in another post, and also I e-mailed another musician off of Craigslist. This one was specifically looking for a female, according to the ad, so already I have one of the major qualifications. Go me!

I shall take the advice "Tall Chris" gave me, and not stop doing what I'm doing. Because for the first time in a long time, I was excited about something and it was very cool. I guess you could say I had a little taste and it hooked me... I'll definitely be back for more.

Oh, and those guys have my number for when the guy they picked flakes out on them... lol. And until then....

Song o' the Day: "So What" by Pink. (I refuse to put an exclamation mark in her name. That's just stupid. Sort of like Ke-dollarsign-ha, which is how I prefer to pronounce "Ke$ha" out loud. Pee-exclamationpoint-nk is just too cumbersome, though.) I really recommend watching the video because it's funny and I like the overall snarky tone of the song, though I mostly picked it for the chorus. Those too cowardly to watch the video can read the chorus lyrics below. Those brave enough can click the song title for a link to the vid.
So what? I'm still a rockstar!
I've got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what? I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm all right, I'm just fine
And you're a tool, so 
So what? I am a rockstar!
I've got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Too excited! Can't sleep! Gonna blog and then go dye my hair (again) instead! (Lost in Paradise - Evanescence).*

Yeah, anyway, our story begins about a month ago. I was bored one night right around this same time (9:20) (Diamond Eyes (Boom Lay Boom) - Shinedown). So I got on Craigslist. This is because I think Craigslist is a cesspool of humanity and it amuses me to see some of the lame that goes on there. I checked out the "musicians" community where bands that need members put ads and members that need bands put ads. Because generally the musician types make some pretty funny posts. I saw one there that said "MOLALLA" and suddenly I was intrigued. Because I happen to live there. I read the ad and liked most of the influences listed, so just on a whim, I e-mailed the guy, who was the guitarist, and asked if they were opposed to the idea of a female vocalist. Because some macho rock bands just don't want chicks up in their business, that's why. I then got off of Craigslist, because if I start replying to things I know I'm really bored and need to go get a life. Total time on Craigslist: about 5 minutes.

Much to my surprise, the dude e-mails me back less than twenty minutes later and says no, they're pretty open-minded and they don't mind the idea of a female singer, so did I want to audition? (Give it Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers) After a momentary fit of "they weren't actually supposed to respond!" panic, I thought, "Well why not?! I've been dreaming about being in a band for years... why not audition?" So I emailed him back and said sure, and he almost immediately gave me a date and time: January 21st at 2:00.

I decided almost immediately what song I would like to do at the audition, then promptly forgot all about it for nearly a month. I did not start thinking about it again until yesterday. And even then, I didn't get nervous. I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna go sing a song." I was fine in English class this morning. I was fine when I got home from English class this morning. The nerves hit when I got in my car for the less-than-ten-minute drive to the audition. Fine timing, that! (Zithande - Freshlyground) I sang my song in the car and told myself that I was just going to fake confidence and go in and do my thing, and whatever happened would be okay.

I got out of the car and went toward the house and was greeted by the bass player. I later learned that he is called "Tall Chris", "Bass-player Chris", (the guitarist is also named Chris) or "Long-legged Freak". Chris the guitarist is "Bald Chris" or "Short Chris" or "Chris Dawg". Not only was I on time for my audition, but I was actually five minutes early. The drummer (who is not named Chris) was not there yet. In the end, in fact, he was over half an hour late. (Insert joke about unreliability of drummers here.) (Natural Life - Breaking Benjamin) This gave me time to talk with Chris and Chris, and Bald Chris and I discovered that we actually went to school together briefly during my sophomore year, and we have had a friend in common since that time. I pretty much clicked with them right away, so by the time the non-Chris drummer got there I was feeling much more comfortable. Right until the point where we got down to business about 3 o'clock.

They had a card table set up in the practice space, and the three of them sat at the table with spiral notebooks, ready to take notes on my performance. And suddenly the nerves hit again, because it was on. (I Am Not Your Gameboy - Freezepop) Three guys I just met are sitting at a table with notebooks and pens, staring at me, waiting for me to start singing so they can write down notes/critiques on my performance. Yikes.

The song I picked to sing for the audition was "Make Me Wanna Die" by The Pretty Reckless. (Click the song title if you wanna hear it... I put in a link.) None of them had heard of that band, and all of them liked it. Score points for me! Anyway, I just tried to pretend I was in my car and nobody was listening, and that was how I got through the first verse. Right around the first chorus, I realized that the acoustics in the practice room were awesome. I was really enjoying the way my voice was bouncing off the walls, and I started having fun and playing with it, seeing what I could make the noise do. Nerves gone. (I Wanna Talk About Me - Toby Keith) As always, though, the song got over just when I was really getting into it... curse these short songs anyway! (And I just want to mention, I killed on the high note at the end... better tone than I've ever done, I think. Basically I knocked the audition out of the park.)

When I was done I noticed they were all looking at me kind of surprised-like, then Bald Chris said, "Wow... that was really good." The other two quickly agreed, and I sat down at the table and they asked me some questions about the style of music I like and what experience I have (next to none), and we made chit-chat for a few minutes, then Tall Chris said, "Let me just say something... Even if we decide to go with someone else, don't stop doing what you're doing. Find another band or start your own, because you've got some talent." Now that made me extra happy. Because it was the first time I'd scraped up the courage and fake-confidence to actually audition for a band (which is something I've always wanted to do... I've always dreamed of being in a band), and the guy tells me that. Insert happy face here. :-) 

(Blind - Korn) I hung out with them until about 4. Partly because the non-Chris who got there late had parked me in, but also because I was just having fun hanging. I even like Bald Chris's wife, who was also hanging around there. The guy who was supposed to audition at 3 flaked out, which made me look really good, and when Bald Chris called him he made some lame excuse about his girlfriend's car breaking down and rescheduled for tomorrow. But also I was just having fun getting to know them and talking to grown-ups (a rarity for me). They're all late-twenties to mid-thirties, all of them have at least one kid (Tall Chris has six), and they pretty much seem like mature adults. Who happen to be in a rock band that is far more successful than I knew about.

I am glad I didn't know this ahead of time, because it probably would have intimidated the heck outta me, but this is a band that won Portland's Battle of the Bands the first year they entered it. The second year they did it, they came in second place. They were offered a $20,000 contract from a small independent label, but turned it down because they figured out they would have had to pay out about $5,000 out-of-pocket for the tour and none of them had it,  and the profit they would have made from CDs and downloads was pretty negligible (lousy contract, I guess). The walls of the practice space are almost completely covered with posters from gigs they've played. They have opened for a couple of touring bands that came through Portland that are more well-known. They are the real deal. (Someone Who Cares - Three Days Grace) While I was there hanging out being parked in, Bald Chris started cleaning out a storage tub in the practice space and found a bunch of old merch and a stack of demo CDs. They gave me two of the demo CDs, a stack of band logo stickers, and a band logo T-shirt for the Chamaco (they didn't have any left in my size). It probably should be mentioned at this point that their plan is to find a new singer and basically start over fresh. They want to write new songs and find a new band name. The old one (which I won't mention here, but if you really want to know you can ask me) is to be no more, which is why they were giving away the merch. So even if I don't get into the band, I didn't walk away empty-handed... I got some pretty cool souvenirs. Not bad for my first audition! (The Big Issue - Chumbawamba) Definitely it has given me the courage to try it again sometime if I don't get into this band (which I hope I do).

Anyway, they have I think 3 auditions scheduled for tomorrow, the last of which is at 5, I believe, and then they plan to make a decision immediately. I could very realistically know one way or the other by 7 or 8 p.m. tomorrow. And I say again - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! As much as I told myself I was just going to do it and whatever the outcome was would be fine (and it is... I'm not going to cry if I don't get in, but I will be more disappointed than I initially thought I would be), I'm currently more excited than I've been about anything in quite some time and I don't know at all if I will be able to sleep tonight. (Día Especial - Shakira) 

Only adding to my general elation with the day, when I got home and went over to check the mail, my new Lacuna Coil CD, "Dark Adrenaline", which I pre-ordered, was in the mailbox. Three days BEFORE the release date! Yay for pre-ordering and fast shipping! You can't even walk into a store and buy it until the 24th! So when I got home and settled, the Chamaco and I first listened to "Dark Adrenaline" (I am in love with "Trip the Darkness") and then the demo CD the band gave me. My house has been very musical tonight... even more so than usual.

Somewhat frustrated now, because I want to sing loudly in my house and can't because I live in an apartment and it's after "quiet time" (which never stops my neighbors from singing loud, drunken karaoke, but I'm nicer than them, I guess). (Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne) Also the Chamaco is in bed. So I'm going to go do unspeakable things to my hair and try to find an outlet for my sudden creativity overflow. Maybe I'll try writing some lyrics down just in case... or I'll ponder potential band names. (I spit out one randomly at the audition that they all actually kind of liked.) (Sacred Lie - Disturbed) I'll have to think of something to do until I get tired enough to be sleepy. Gonna be a fun morning getting up for church tomorrow!

Thanks for reading my excited-babble!

Song o' the Day: Gonna have to repeat myself and do "Trip the Darkness" by Lacuna Coil. Check it out if you didn't already!

*If you didn't catch on to what's up with the random song titles scattered throughout the blog, I put iTunes on shuffle when I blog and type the name of each song that comes up whenever it does. So not only do you get a small taste of my musical schizophrenia, but you also get to see roughly how long it takes me to focus long enough to type a paragraph at 80+ wpm. Yes, I type that fast, so when I get about 1 song per paragraph it's because something slowed me down. Probably something shiny.

January update... welcome to 2012!

So, I remembered a few minutes ago about this thing I used to do in blogs where I would put iTunes on shuffle and just add the name of any song that came on in parentheses like this (Para tu amor - Juanes) for the duration of the entire blog. Not only does that give the reader a glimpse into the sort of diverse music I put in my ears, but also it gives you a general sense of how long it takes me to write a blog. Not because I type slow, because I certainly don't... I can type 110 wpm when I get going. Mostly just because I keep getting distracted by shiny things. And Facebook. Is Facebook shiny? I don't know.

Anyhoo, I figured I'd do some sort of catchy-uppy-thingie about how things are going since I do not blog nearly as often as I used to. (Cuando tú no estés conmigo - Flans) Something about having a life now, I guess... ha ha ha! I'll go roughly by categories.

WORK LIFE: Well, I'm working full time... 40 hours a week. Sometimes 42, like this week. (Ifa um canto pra subir - Margareth Menezes) I am also actively seeking other work, because I really do not like my job. This year I changed to a new center (same organization) because it was only a mile and a half from my house instead of 35 miles. And it was full time instead of 25 hours a week. I like the short commute and more pay, and I like the people I work with, but I dislike the job itself and I extra dislike the current state of the administration. They have become like a many-handed Hindu goddess and none of the hands have the foggiest clue what the other six or seven are doing. You could throw a query out into the ether of administration and receive back three or four very authoritative and very different replies, all from parties who insist that they are correct and the others have it wrong. (Sálvame - RBD. Why is everything coming up in Spanish or Portuguese tonight?) It was bad enough in September and October that I would have quit had I had anywhere else to go to. Since then it has improved to the point of being tolerable, but it's definitely not enjoyable. And I know people say, "It's not supposed to be fun! That's why it's called work!" To those people, I say, "Perhaps you have accepted that you have to spend the majority of your waking hours doing something you hate, but I refuse to be robbed of my joy unnecessarily." There are lots of other jobs out there, and as soon as I find one that seems like a good fit, I shall be on my way. (Misery Business - Paramore)

FAMILY LIFE: I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I feel like the Chamaco and I have a closer relationship now than we have had in previous years. I don't know if it's just that he's getting old enough and witty enough to be good conversation or if it's just that my longtime policy of openness and honesty with the child finally seems appealing now that he's getting old enough to ask questions about adult topics. In other news, the Chamaco acquired a little brother in October of 2011 (not through any doing of mine, mind you). A lot of people seem to think I should be upset about that for some reason... one person asked me, "Doesn't that just make you feel..." and then he mimed being stabbed through the heart. Answer: No, it does not. I ceased to care at all where my ex-husband chooses to put his penis several years ago when it became clear that I was not among his top choices. And personally I'm thrilled that the Chamaco finally got a brother and I did absolutely nothing! (How Do You Like Me Now? - Toby Keith) In fact, he and I were just having one of our "grown-up" conversations the other day and he asked me if I would ever have another kid. I said, "Probably not, because even if I were to get pregnant tomorrow you would still be almost 11 by the time the kid was born. That seems like kind of a large gap to me." He agreed that it was. It still boggles his mind that by the time his little brother enters kindergarten, he will be nearly 16. That kinda boggles my mind too, honestly. (So What - Pink) We even had a discussion about how I'm not one of those "career mommies" whose sole mission in life was to have children. I told him I had it figured out that when he's 18 I'll be just barely 37, and I rather liked the idea of being that young and not having young dependent children. He said he thought he understood that notion. He really is surprisingly adult for his age sometimes. (My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson)

HOBBIES: Well, I'm still a language nerd. Some things never change. I spent a large chunk of summer 2011 working on my Italian. I'm not yet fluent, but definitely conversational. My Italian is probably at the same level that my Spanish was when I first arrived in Cuernavaca in 2005. The difference is that I'm not about to go immerse myself in Italy for 6 weeks and have it be like taking both 3rd and 4th year Spanish in a month and a half. I'm giving consideration to picking up either French or Portuguese next, or I might re-learn German. I had two years of German in college and promptly forgot almost all of it. I actually work with someone who speaks German now, and it might stick if I had someone to practice on.

On to the music bit... I'm still trying to self-teach guitar when I find the time. Also I will be fulfilling a longtime dream next week by auditioning to be the vocalist in a rock band. No joke. If I actually get the gig, that would be another longtime dream fulfilled, so fingers crossed all! (When it Rains - Paramore)

While my 2011 weight loss sort of stalled out after June, I managed not to gain much of it back either and I have made sure to keep my activity levels up. I got Just Dance 2 for the Wii, and I can easily spend an hour playing that and not noticing the elapsed time. This past week I started going to Zumba classes at my new gym (the old one went out of business, which was a blessing in disguise I think) and I love it! Dancing has always been one of those things that I really liked but was too self-conscious to do publicly (sort of like being a singer), and I'm secretly glad that I seem to be shedding some insecurities as I get closer to 30. I have no idea what the steps are (I've only been to 2 classes) and I'm sure I look like an idiot, but when I mentioned to one of the other ladies in the class that I was having a hard time figuring out the steps, she said, "It doesn't matter! Just keep flopping around and have fun!" I like this attitude, and I think I'll take her advice until I figure out what's going on. (Sympathy for the Devil - Guns and Roses)

Oh, yeah, and  I'm still teaching ESL at the church on Saturday mornings, which I guess counts as a hobby since I certainly don't get paid for it! (Reasons to be Beautiful - Hole) A few months ago I started co-teaching with Kyle, and I sort of like that system in that my primary function seems to be to have ideas bounced off of me and to answer questions asked in Spanish. Oh, and read out loud the Spanish sections of the book we use. Really I don't mind that. Mostly because it gives me a good 2 hours a week in which I can pick on Kyle. ;-)

SOCIAL LIFE: Huh? What's that?

Kidding... sort of. My social life mostly consists of gripe sessions with Adrianne, Teresa and Rachael before and after work and my Friday evening hangouts with Sammich. As I mentioned in the last blog, I went on one date in 2011... a 100% increase over the amount I went on in 2010, and in fact every year previous to that. It was actually the first official date I have ever been on. That is what happens when you marry someone you met before either one of you was old enough to drive. (Monsters - Matchbook Romance) It is also what happens when, after you divorce that person, you have such a dismal opinion on humans in general that you don't even bother looking for a date for close to a decade. Encouraged by my little sister's successes with online dating, I signed up on a site in the later end of last year that resulted in one date. It didn't go horribly or anything... the dude just talked incessantly and reminded me a little too much of someone I divorced in that I couldn't get a word in edgeways. But I got Chinese food out of it and successfully killed a Sunday afternoon. (Stay and Play - Saron Gas) Oh, and then there's the part about how he lives in Montana. At the time he was a long haul truck driver and was coming in to Salem every other weekend, but he has since changed jobs and I doubt he'll be back in the area again. Just as well, I say. Anyway, just in the last couple of weeks I've started conversations with a handful of guys, so we'll see how that turns out. I've already ruled out one of them... another perk of my advancing age is that I don't worry so much about offending someone by saying out loud what will and will not work for me.

That's pretty much the summary of now. As for the future... I know I said this last year and I was kind of right but not as right as I thought I would be, but I really think the calm stability of the last few years is coming to an end. At least if I get my way! This year I actually have goals, which is a nice change. I would like to change careers ASAP, and I want to move by the end of the year (ideally ASAP after changing jobs). Now that the Chamaco is older and more self-sufficient, I think it's time for me to branch out a little bit and try some new stuff... like Zumba and auditioning for bands. And a new profession. And, knowing me, probably several new hair colors. (I'm Sorry - Flyleaf) I do not want to be one of those moms who is without purpose once her kids have moved out. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but I also think it's natural and healthy to have other interests outside of parenthood. I'm not even sure it's healthy when people say things like, "My kids are my whole world." Because kids aren't permanent, that's why. They grow. And so should you. (Un fantasma tra noi - Lacuna Coil) Being able to do things aside from breeding and raising our offspring is what sets us apart from the animals! Diversify! Specialization is for insects.

So I will sing and dance and embarrass my son in the kitchen. I will continue to play guitar badly. I will learn how to get into trouble in as many languages as possible. I may even learn how to get myself out of trouble in a few more languages. I will continue pursuing that mystical unicorn which is a job that I like doing that pays well enough for me to live. I will hope. I will dream. I will not let the world beat the joy out of my soul. I will dance like no one is watching. I will love like I've never been hurt (one of these days). I will completely and unapologetically be myself, because I didn't get the instruction manual for being anyone else. I will mismatch my earrings if I feel like it. (Immorale - J-Ax... yay for Italian rap!) I will continue my evolution from observer to participant. I will wander in my mind and in these blogs wherever my thoughts feel like going. Oh, and at some point this year I'm going to try karaoke in English. I've only done it once before, and it was at a cantabar in Mexico. ;-)

I do not know why, but I can't shake the feeling that 2012 is going to be a pivotal year in my life. The word "crossroads" keeps coming to my mind. In the sense of arriving at a crossroads and having to decide which way to go. I also have the sense that at least one of the roads potentially leads to destruction and ruin. I just hope I know which one it is and have the sense to avoid it. (Falling Away from Me - Korn) Not that I'm psychic or anything. I could totally be wrong, but like I said... I was right about 2011... just not as right as I thought I would be. Maybe I was a year early. (Serenata Rap - Jovanotti)

Well, if you kids will excuse me, I'm off to go do my nightly revision of Craigslist's job postings and snuggle down in my bed where it's warm. Tomorrow morning I'm off once again to teach English and live the dream. At this point I'm still not sure exactly whose dream it is, but I'm working to take ownership, don't worry. But before I go...

Song o' the Day: "Trip the Darkness" by Lacuna coil. Their new album, Dark Adrenaline, comes out Jan. 24th. I have it pre-ordered... can't wait! And the video for "Trip the Darkness" is pretty cool, and reminds me of why I've always had a girl-crush on Cristina Scabbia. See/hear it here. Speaking of that, lots of my fave bands are putting out albums this year. Shinedown has one I think releasing in February, and Halestorm's will be out later in the year. Evanescence just put out a really good one a few months ago that I never got around to reviewing on the blog, but I shall have to do so soon. :-)  (Vuelve - Shakira)

The changes THREE years can bring.... (belated year-in-review for 2011)

 So, the last two years in a row I've been doing a sort of year-end contrast thing to see how things change in my life from year to year. There were some major changes in the last few years, but I'm not sure much has changed this year. Then, I haven't really looked at it yet. I copy/pasted last year's blog into this one, and I'll be adding 2011 as I go... we'll discover it together, I guess!

2008: We lived in a falling-apart house with no heat.
2009: We live in a pretty nice apartment with gas heat.
2010: We live in the same apartment as last year. Have somehow managed to keep paying the rent. Praise God!
2011: We still live in the same apartment. I have an eye toward moving before the end of the year, though, because I'm close to being able to afford to at this rate.

2008: I was unemployed. All year.
2009: I sometimes wish I worked less, but I am blessed to have a job surrounded by good, godly poeple who are passionate about what they do and make working with them so much fun.
2010: Same job situation except it has dawned on me that I really don't like teaching. Okay, so I knew that all along, but now I'm really starting to get the urge to move along... still like the people I work with, though!
2011: I now work FULL TIME for the first time since 2001. I adore the people I work with, but I like teaching less and less. Looking to move on (and when I do that apartment change thing will probably shortly follow).

2008: I did nearly all my Christmas shopping at the Dollar Tree, because it was what I could afford.
2009: I did most of my Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart... moving on up!
2010: Primarily Wal-Mart again. No huge change in this department.
2011: Again, no change! What can I say? I like Wal-Mart.


2008: We got food boxes from a couple of different local organizations.
2009: An organization called to offer us a food box and I told them they could probably find someone who needed it worse than we do. After I hung up I realized what I'd just been able to say and I almost cried.
2010: Nobody even offered us a food box this year.
2011: I don't even get food stamps anymore. (Well, $16 a month, but that hardly counts, now does it?)

2008: I carried my son upstairs to his bed when he fell asleep on the couch.
2009: I can barely pick up my son, much less carry him upstairs. This only happened in the last month or two. I realized today that soon I won't be able to pick him up at all... my baby is gone. I almost cried.
2010: I can still pick up my nine-year-old boy for brief periods of time
2011: My kid turned 10 this year. I can still pick him up, but I can't carry him much of anywhere. I realize that the only reason I can pick him up is because I routinely lift up to sixty pounds of child at work. He clocks in at about 74, last I knew.

2008: My son was the sort of co-dependent that being the only child of a single mom will get you.
2009: I have an increasingly independent eight-year-old who more and more often wants to do things by himself. I told him that I was going to get Nancy's recipe for play-doh because the stuff we make at work is better than the store-bought stuff. I said this because I thought it would be something fun we could do together. He asked if he could do it by himself.
2010: My son cooked dinner a few weeks ago. I supervised him, but the only thing I actually did for him was turn the knobs on the stove, because he can't reach them yet. He's older but still short... lol.
2011: My kid can stay home by himself for increasingly long periods of time (I haven't yet pushed it past an hour and a half). He has a cell phone. As long as there is a microwave and a stocked freezer, he can feed himself indefinitely. This works out well for me going to Zumba classes on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

2008: I had a couple of friends, but mostly felt very lonely and isolated.
2009: I have some very good friends, some less-close-but-still-good friends, some casual acquaintances that always make me smile (hello CTG!), a pretty full social calendar, and sometimes wish desperately to just be home by myself for a few hours.
2010: All of the above, plus a couple of new friends... :-)
2011: Loads of new people in my life this year. Some of them are even male... lol.

2008: I was single.
2009: Still single... no change there. : )
2010: Despite some rumors you may have heard, still single. But I guess there were at least rumors this year. Maybe next year there will be something to them! ;-)
2011: Still single! But I did actually go on ONE date in 2011. Which is one more than in the previous eight years combined, so I guess that's progress... ha ha ha!

Yikes!

An event just sort of snuck up on me. I knew it was coming, and for a long time there I had myself convinced that it wouldn't matter so much, but now it's here and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

The time as I write this is 11:05 p.m., December 8th, 2011. That's more or less exactly the time on this day 10 years ago that we decided to take a little drive over to Willamette Falls Hospital.

Fast-forward to 1:25 a.m. on December 9th, 2001 (yes, a mere 2 hours and 20 minutes later). Look out world... Damian Richard Ford is born!

I've been doing a lot of reflecting over the last few days. Because I cannot believe that ten years went by so quickly. Heck, I'm not even supposed to be old enough to remember ten years ago so clearly, am I? But then I remember that I'm actually 29 (or "almost thirty!" as Damian likes to state it), and that 10 years is actually more like a third of my life than the half that it feels like it ought to be. Where does the time go? Seems like yesterday I was sitting on a hospital bed holding a newborn baby and laughing with Sammich so hard that my sides hurt (I don't remember what was funny, but I remember laughing). I was 19 (barely), had been married not quite six months, and I thought at that point I was a real grown-up. Fast-forward a decade and I'm a full-time working single mom, and I just finished packing my fourth-grader's lunch for tomorrow and cleverly figuring out how to get the birthday card to fit inside his lunchbox without actually folding it in half.

Really, though, my kid is awesome. And just to prove the point, I figured I'd hit a few highlights of his already illustrious career as a human being.

Mere matter of days old: Teaches Mom not to underestimate his capabilities. When placed a good couple of feet from the edge of Grandma and Grandpa's king-sized bed and left unattended for approximately two minutes, manages to pitch self onto floor. No lasting harm done (except to Mom's nerves), and Mom learns the origin of the phrase "bouncing baby boy".
2 weeks old: Sleeps through the night for the first time. Makes Mom very happy.
5 months old: Still thinks sitting upright unassisted is for losers, but dislikes being horizontal for any reason other than sleep.
7 months old: Decides to give sitting up a try and masters it.
8 months old: Decides to give crawling a try and masters it.
10 months old: Has walking while holding onto couches, tables, etc. down to an art form. Mom leaves him at Grandma's while she goes to work one day, and when Mom comes back, Damian is standing holding onto the couch in the living room. Mom says, "Hi Damian!" and walks past him into the kitchen. Damian lets go of couch and follows her in. Walking. Mom says to Grandma, "When did he start doing that?" Grandma replies, "He's been doing it all day. I assumed you knew about it."
Around 2 years old: Begins repeating the word "key" over and over. It takes Mom and Dad a couple of weeks to piece together that he says it when he sees the cat, and he's actually saying "kitty". Regardless, it's his first word. The first of many, because once this child decides to do something, he doesn't go halfway (see sitting up and crawling).
Toward the end of second year: Mom is helping Damian put on his socks. He looks at her and then says, "I have two feet. You have two feet. That's four feet, Mom." At this juncture Mom realizes that he will be better at math that her probably sooner rather than later.
Three years old: We take a trip to Mexico. Damian dislikes Mexican food, we learn. However, he is full of fun in the airports. During an 11-hour layover in San Francisco, Mom takes Damian out to the end of one of the terminals so he can watch the planes taxiing around. A plane passes very near to the window and Damian begins to jump up and down and point excitedly, "Mom! Mom! Look! I can see the piglet!" "The what?" Mom asks. Exasperated, Damian says, "You know, the piglet! The guy who flies the plane!" Several hours later, boarding the plane, we are standing in line in the jetway, just about to step through the door of the plane itself. There is about a three inch gap between the end of the jetway and the door of the plane, and you can see down to the ground, which is quite a ways away. Damian, standing there and looking down, announces in a loud voice, "Man, I bet if we fell down there we'd get DEAD!" much to the amusement of the other passengers standing nearby. On the return trip to the States (another layover in San Fran), immediately after disembarking from the flight from Mexico City to SF, Mom (who has been speaking Spanish for weeks now), tells Damian, "Vamos a buscar un baño." Damian puts his hands on his hips, glares at Mom, and says, "Mom! We're in America! Speak English!" To this day, Mom has no idea how the heck he knew that we were in America, especially given that everyone around us at that particular moment was Asian. But seriously, the kid is THREE. How does he know we're in America, much less what the difference between Mexico and America is or that one should speak English in America and Spanish in Mexico????
Somewhere in the fourth year: Mom and Damian are driving in a car. Car trips tend to inspire Damian to deep thought. Out of the blue, Damian says, "I think I like living with you better than I would like living with my dad." (We separated shortly before Damian's first birthday.) Mom asks, "Oh really? Why's that?" Damian replies, "Because at your house you have rules. Dad doesn't have any rules at his house, and that doesn't seem very safe to me." And again, Mom is blown away by a preschooler's capacity for deep thought.
Kindergarten: Damian brings home a worksheet from school on which he is supposed to find shapes in the picture and color them a certain color (triangles blue, squares yellow, etc.) and then count how many of each shape and write the number on a line. Mom is watching over his shoulder as he colors the squares yellow. The squares happen to be windows on a building in this picture, and there are four rows of four windows. Damian silently taps the first window on each row with his pencil, then writes "16" on the line. Mom goes, "Whoa! Wait! How did you do that?" Seemingly exasperated with Mom's slowness, Damian taps the same four windows again, this time counting out loud, "Four, eight, twelve, sixteen!"
Later that same school year: Mom has a friend over from work. At this point Mom is working at Damian's school with grades K/1, and the coworker is working with grades 4/5. Damian's latest project is writing songs, and he has a spiral notebook full of lyrics he has written. He asks the coworker if she would like to hear his songs and she says, "Sure!" so Damian drags out the notebook, flips it open, and starts singing his lyrics to an improvised tune. Coworker is very impressed and asks Mom, "Do you even realize what he's doing? That's some high-level thought he's got going on there! I wish I could get some of my fifth graders to do that!"
Also that year: In the car, Damian is complaining that all the kids in his class are pairing up and that Yoselin is is best friend AJ's girlfriend, and that they want this other girl to be Damian's girlfriend, and Damian says, "But I really don't like her that much!" Mom says, "Well you know what? You guys are way too young to be worrying about all that boyfriend-girlfriend stuff anyway. You don't have to have a girlfriend if you don't want to. In fact, you can just tell them that your mom said you're not allowed to have a girlfriend until you're sixteen." Damian brightens noticeably. "Really?! What a relief!!" 
First grade: Teacher complains to Mom that Damian is talking in class to much, but admits, "I think it's because he's done with the work. The problem is that everyone else isn't done, and he keeps them from getting done." This seems like a no-brainer to Mom, who says, "So... do you not have some extra worksheets you can give him? Because he'll do anything you put in front of him. Give him as much work as he can handle! I don't care!" Same teacher complains that, while Damian's reading skills are excellent, his comprehension skills are practically non-existent. Mom laughs this off because she knows that he's reading and applying information gleaned from Pokemon Strategy Guides at home, and he just doesn't give a crap about penguins or whatever the teacher was making him read.
Second grade: As early as the second week of second grade, Damian refers to first grade as "a massive waste of my time." He likes second grade much better, however, and by Open House in late September his second grade teacher (who clearly catches on quickly) has made available to Damian a box of things he can work on when he's done with whatever was assigned in class. Later on in second grade, Damian conducts his first and only test of mom's "two-for-one" rule (Mom told him the first day of Kindergarten that she had a two-for-one deal with his teacher - "you get in trouble at school, you get in trouble at home!"). He puts this rule to the test by getting in a fight with another kid on the playground "because Jeremiah said something I didn't like." He will not say what Jeremiah said, and thus Mom is not convinced that it was worth getting into a fight over (Mom concedes that some things might be worth fighting for, but something Jeremiah said probably isn't one of those things) and suspends all "electronic entertainment privileges" (computer/TV/DS, and pretty much anything else with a screen) for a week. Damian has yet to test this rule again.
Third grade: School work is finally catching up with Damian's ability level, thank goodness. One day in the car, Damian says, "Mom, I have to tell you a secret... there are, like, six girls in my grade who find me attractive!" Mom sighs... it has begun. But Mom can't complain too much, because she had her first completely fake boyfriend when she was Damian's age.
Fourth grade: So far, so good. Damian has a male teacher this year for the first time, and it seems to be working out really well for him. He's in an extremely challenging reading/spelling group... some of the words that show up on his spelling list, Mom has to look up to know how to pronounce properly. After a somewhat rocky start during the first trimester, Damian finally got it together on the spelling and has done very well on the last few spelling tests, including a 100% on the first spelling test of the second trimester, which was also his first letter-graded assignment ever. So far that's a 4.0 GPA, right? ;-) His primary interest at the moment is designing his own card games, which involves hundreds of index cards all over my front steps most of the time.

Despite the fact that he has grown up with me, my son is an intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive and caring individual... all while retaining his boyish fondness for fart jokes. He's undeniably the ringleader of the kids he hangs out with in our apartment complex (ranging in age from 4 to 12), but not because he's bossy... it's because he's just that charismatic and he has the most fun ideas. Neighbors have remarked to me on how well he plays with younger children. Said one, "I was watching Damian sword-fight with one of the younger kids and I could tell that Damian could have just totally beaten the snot out of him, but he didn't... he was letting the little kid do well and was giving him pointers." (My son has an extensive collection of fake weaponry... he's all boy.) His closest friends, however, tend to be several grades older (middle schoolers that he meets at his after-school program). He has intelligence, depth of thought, and vocabulary beyond his very-soon-to-be-ten years and the sort of creativity and desire to learn and grow that television has mostly killed off in his generation. In other words, my kid is epic. My kid is small for his age, has no siblings to fight with, and probably can't beat up your kid, but my kid will probably never need to beat up your kid because he gets along with everybody.

Damian Ford: Bringing more awesome to the world every day since December 9, 2001.

We are the 11%!!!

I think today I have been subject to more political discussion than I have since the last major holiday on which all my male relatives were in the same place. If you know me at all, you know I hate that (political discussion, not having all my male relatives in the same place). I'm never posting anything on Facebook that could be misconstrued as me making a political statement again... strictly entertaining fluff from now on. I'm not gonna talk about politics in this blog entry either... I'm gonna talk about common sense, along with some of my own opinions that are kinda political (but I'm not about to go about holding signs and protesting on their behalf).

First off, let's be real here. If you live in America (and all but a few of my friends do, so that's probably you), you're not "the 99%". You're probably in the upper 15% of the world's wealth, in fact. (I wonder if the rest of the world will gang up and picket our borders holding signs proclaiming that they are the 85%? Nah, they probably can't afford to make the signs.) Not so sure about that? Check out this thing right here.... http://www.globalrichlist.com/  There you can enter in your own personal yearly income and learn where exactly you rank in the world's percentages. I'm at the 11.4% level, and most of my friends who read this are likely to be higher. Also I am the 682,571,530th richest person in the world, according to this site. I find that less credible (because really, how do they know that?), but still interesting.

Let it be known that I have no great love for the American political structure. Sure, it's better than some, but I don't love it with great patriotic fervor and I don't necessarily think it's the only way to go. And a few of you flag-wavers are going to say that I'm free to leave if I don't like it. Well, no I'm not. My custody arrangements with the ex say that I need court approval to move more than 60 miles from him, elsewise I'd have bailed in 2005. And it's not because I hate America. I don't hate it. I don't love it either. I just was born here through no fault of mine. I am neutral like Switzerland on the subject of America, how's that? I do, however, think that we Americans have created a political structure in which is is completely essential to be corrupt in order to rise to the level of serious candidacy for any of the higher-ranking offices. Therefore, anyone who is up for election I will not be voting for. (Really, I think we should put the "servant" back in "public servant" and make all politicians work for free. That'd get rid of the ones who are in it for the money and make way for the people who actually care about the people of the country and want to serve.)

Here, in a word, is where I think we went wrong with the economy: credit. People said, "Well, I want this but I can't afford it. Loan me some money and I'll pay you back." Maybe it was even something they needed, but I've found people have sort of a distorted idea of "need" anyway. (Food, water, air and shelter are needs. Anything else really isn't. And in most parts of the country, breathable air is still free.) The banks said "Okay," and gave the people money and charged them interest. The banks thought this was great because they got their money back plus some. The people thought this was great because they got to buy stuff they couldn't afford and pay for it "later". More and more people did this, and suddenly the banks went "Whoa! We don't have any actual money left! Pay us back now!" and the people said, "But we don't actually have any real money! That's why we spent the money you gave us!" Meanwhile the government, perhaps taking its cue from the masses, spent trillions of dollars it didn't actually have with the idea that they'd just tax it out of the people, who appeared to have lots of money because they were sure buying a lot of stuff. Except the people didn't actually have any money either. Oops.

Here's a simple fix, America: Stop spending pretend money. Real money is that green stuff you can hold in your hand. Some of it comes in coins. That stuff you can spend. Oh, and try to stick to buying stuff you actually NEED. If you want to buy something that you just want, make sure you're buying it with the green stuff, and make sure you have enough green stuff left over to buy the things that you actually need. (Again, people, "needs" are food, water, shelter and air. Healthcare may also count as a need. In this day and age, transportation probably counts. If you want to have a job, a phone probably counts. Computer/internet is still not a need, I don't care what you say. Neither is television/cable.)

And no, I'm not perfect. I have credit card debt. I have student loan debt. And I have recently resolved not to accumulate any more of either, and I'm actively working toward paying those off. But I recognize true needs as opposed to wants, and any wants that I really cannot afford have been rather aggressively eliminated from the budget.

On another note, I'm currently most of the way through my first listening of the new Evanescence album, cleverly titled "Evanescence", which I bought with the green stuff after tending to more pressing needs like "being able to see" (I paid out-of-pocket for an eye exam and contact lenses today because my insurance apparently thinks I only need to see one out of every two years). But back to the music, so far I'm liking it (I'm on the next-to-last song on the album). Much better than 2006's The Open Door, which was the vehicle for the most depressing song of all time, "Like You". Overall, Evanescence is heavier than both The Open Door AND Fallen. I consider this a good thing. And in the continuing spirit of musical goodwill...

Song o' the Day: "What You Want" by Evanescence. First single/video from the Evanescence album. See/hear it here.

Confessions of a 29 year old makeup idiot....

I realize it has been quite a while since I wrote anything. My apologies for having a life. :-) But I thought tonight, since the Chamaco is spending the night with my mom, I'd go ahead and conduct an experiment I'd been wanting to try. And I thought I'd document it with pictures.

The first step was to dye my hair black. You here in blog-land are a little behind the Facebook times... my hair hasn't been black in quite some time. It has actually been the natural color, plus some blonde highlights. But I have a deep fondness for black dye... it's almost like black is my power color or something weird like that. And I was missing it. So black to black again for me. And then I decided to see if I could save myself $15 by cutting my own hair. Mostly I wanted the bangs cut because they were getting in my eyes. So I did that, and it wasn't horrible like last time. And on the advice of the last person who cut my hair, who told me when I complained about how thick my hair was that she would thin it and that, "If you want you can get your own thinning scissors and do it at home. You can't really mess that up too badly unless you go way overboard," I procured my own thinning scissors and had a go at that too. Lots of hair in my sink, but still plenty on my head and what's on my head feels much better now, so I think I did all right.

Believe it or not, though, this is not actually what I wanted to write about tonight. You see, here's the thing... biologically I'm female. I've given birth. And even then I wasn't completely convinced, but these yearly checks of my anatomy that are oh so much fun would seem to indicate that I most likely am actually female. Most females, seemingly, begin experimenting with makeup sometime in middle school and by the time high school rolls around they pretty much have it down. Maybe it was my gender confusion taking hold, but I sort of forgot to do that and somehow made it to 29 with only the most tenuous grasp on how eyeliner and mascara work and really no clue about the rest of it. Sure, I've accumulated lots of bits and pieces over the years that I always intended to learn to use properly, but somehow there was always something else to do that seemed more important. You know, like watching rugby. (The Americans are not gonna make it out of pool play in the world cup, just so you know... go New Zealand!) But I decided tonight that I was going to find myself a decent tutorial on how to do basic rocker-chick makeup. Because how can I be a rocker-chick when I grow up if I can't even get the makeup down?! ;-)

 Anyway, I've been listening to a good bit of music by The Pretty Reckless lately (along with the Poxy Boggards, which is sort of an odd combination, really), and it just happens the lead singer is a rocker-chick with makeup that didn't look too complicated. It's a color scheme I understand and often apply to clothing: black, black, and blacker. And of course there are tutorials available on YouTube specifically geared toward said lead singer, who happens to be Taylor Momsen. The video I was using you can watch here if you're really that interested.

It was quite educational. And the first thing I learned is that this Jessica Harlow chick goes WAY too fast. I hit pause a lot. I also learned the vital importance of either having a separate brush for your black eyeshadow or making sure it's REALLY clean before you switch over to your "champagne" shade. Maybe this seems like a no-brainer to you, but I'm a makeup idiot, remember? Anyway, I got about half done and it looked like this:

Guess which eye has makeup on it! Half done!

 I apologize for the poor quality of both my face and the pictures of my face that I took in my poorly lit bathroom with my iPod.

Anyway, doing the second eye went much faster and I think I actually did a better job. But I guess you can be the judge of that. :-)

Both eyes done! And I have eyelashes! (my own, not fake)

Then I thought, hey, while I'm messing around with it, might as well put on foundation. So I did. And then I thought, well, I should put on some red lipstick too... might as well go all the way, right? But did I actually have red lipstick? Yes, it turns out I do, and I have no idea when I bought it. And it seemed to me that I should probably be using lip-liner before applying red lipstick... but did I have any? Yes, turns out I did. Did I have the foggiest idea how to use it? No. None. Did I even know where my lip line was? As it turns out, sort of. The top was pretty easy. I think I may have faked the bottom a little bit. Also apparently I have had a stroke or my mouth is uneven... lol. But I did get red lipstick on, and here you see the final result:

These pics taken in my bedroom, where the lighting is slightly better, but not much!

Having had my fun (and realizing it was midnight by this point), I decided it was time for this stuff to come off. Then I learned something else: red lipstick loves you, and it does not want to let you go. And in a somewhat whimsical moment, I had a flashback of that scene in Mulan where she wipes the "bride" makeup off of half of her face. (And let me tell you, it does not come off that easy in real life!) But I decided to take such a picture, so here you go.

My apologies for the strap slippage... this nightgown is too big. Also the colors are a bit different because I actually took this picture with my cell phone, not my iPod.

So now you know what I look like both with and without all the "fancy" makeup, and you can let me know which you prefer. Though in the future I think I will probably skip the red lipstick in favor of a nice gloss in a milder shade.

And in keeping with my own traditions....

Song o' the Day: "Make Me Wanna Die" by The Pretty Reckless. See/hear it here.

The end-of-June update...

I haven't got a single profound thing to say, I'm afraid, so I'll give you this instead:

I. Am. Bored.

How's that?

No, seriously... I don't know what it is about this year that's different from all the other years, but this year I have officially decided that unemployment SUCKS. I seem to remember I used to kind of enjoy the summer down-time, but this year after about four days I was done and ready to go back to work. To that end, I've been trying to find a summer job (or a year-round job to replace my other job that leaves me in this state in the summer). Had an interview a couple of weeks ago that didn't go anywhere, despite them sounding all very enthusiastic at the time... perhaps they said those nice things to everyone? (Or maybe it's just that 10% of the state is unemployed right now and competition is fierce... who knows?)

My good friends over at the Employment Department have been giving me the usual run-around about my translating job for the school district and debating if they should have to pay me at all, and if so, how much they should have to pay me. I'm tired of playing that game, so I won't be returning to work for the school district in the fall. (If you're from the MRSD and reading this and you were shocked just now, sorry. My annual fun and games with the Employment Department are not the only reason for this decision, trust me.) Don't know where next month's rent is coming from at this point, but I'm not too stressed about it... I always figure something out. God provides. And if nothing else, I can just go through with the bus driver training.

Yes, that's right, I got the e-mail yesterday. My primary job, which has been harping at me about not having a CDL for almost two years now even though I had already gotten my CDL permit and was just waiting to be trained, has finally scheduled my behind-the-wheel training to start on July 11th. I had really been hoping to get out of having to do that by getting the other job I interviewed for, but looks like no dice. See, when I was hired I was told that getting a CDL was a requirement of my position that I had to fulfill within 90 days and training was done in-house and I said okay. I got my permit, took the 8 hour CORE classes, and waited for them to schedule my behind-the-wheel training. 11 months later my CDL permit expired. So I renewed it. Then my DOT physical certification expired. So I redid it. And I got a nasty e-mail from HR reminding me that holding a CDL was a requirement of my position and I would be expected to complete it within 90 days (this nearly 2 years after my hire date). I sent back a nice little e-mail reminding Mrs. HR that I had done everything I could possibly do on my end, was waiting for behind-the-wheel training, and she should probably tell the transportation director to get off his butt and schedule it if she was all so worried about it. (Not in those words exactly, but it was implied.) Next thing I know, the transportation director is asking me if we can schedule it during the summer. Apparently I'm being punished for my competence. This is all particularly stupid because the center I work at doesn't even have a bus... we're self-transport, and many of the kiddos live within walking distance. So HR is flipping out because I don't have my CDL and can't drive the bus that my center physically DOES NOT HAVE in the first place! Gotta love administration. But maybe I can make $85 bucks off of them so I can have my car's registration renewed before the end of August when it expires.

I've noticed something lately about Oregon... all my friends are moving elsewhere or making plans to do so. I would really like to move elsewhere as well. Perhaps I should start checking for jobs in other parts of the country? Because I don't think it's very fair that apparently a lottery was held to determine who would get to leave the state, and not only did I not win but I wasn't even notified it was taking place so I could participate. I'm thinking someplace warmer and drier. Arizona. Or New Mexico, maybe. (Or maybe even the old Mexico... I could totally see myself living there.)

Really I just wanna move. To Oregon City if nothing else, but I've started to hate this place. That means it's time to move on. Because I know from past experience that more than six years of living in a place I hate makes me generally cranky and unpleasant to deal with, and I've gotten rather accustomed to not being such a horrible *BLEEP* all the time... just some of the time. ;-)

Song o' the Day: "Fur Cue" by Seether. (From the new album that came out on May 17th, which I still have in pretty heavy rotation over a month later.) Hear it (but not see it, no video as of yet...) here. My money is on this song and "Tonight" being singles 2 and 3 from this album. #1 was "Country Song", which is worth a listen and the video is hilarious. See that here.

Oh, and I've been finally making some progress on the guitar playing and I'm thinking I'll have to learn to at least play the electric part from "Country Song", if not the twangy little acoustic riff which actually looks harder. :-)

SIDE NOTE: If anyone was curious enough to wonder what happened to my Dishwasher, he's off sudsing up some chick who spells her name funny. Ancient history.

Wow... been a while, hasn't it?

Happy New Year about six months late! Okay. Exactly six months late. Shut it.

Sorta forgot I had a blog for a while there. It's been an eventful six months... not so much professionally (other than having been really busy) as personally.

Somewhere around January 1st, I got it into my head that I was going to have another go at losing weight. Around the same time I joined a gym and started being fairly strict about what I eat. Now, six months later to the day, here I sit... 28-30 lbs. lighter than I was in January (depending on which day I weigh), and with a distinct lack of clothes that fit well. I figure I'll worry about that when I'm  DONE losing weight... still like 90 lbs. to go so whatever.

2011 so far has been the year of the boy. As in me being boy-crazy. I guess eight years of single was enough for me... not that I'm not still single, 'cause I am, but I've been putting myself out there more I guess you'd say. So far, though, it's been a series of near misses. There was a guy a few months back that I was interested in that I thought was interested in me, but I misread that one and later decided I wasn't interested anyway. There was another last month that was interested in me but I was, shall we say, less than enthralled. And now I've met and am communicating with a third that I am undecided about. I realize this all doesn't sound like much, but that's more action than I've had since high school, all packed into only 6 months. So for me, that's high traffic!

2011 has also been the year of Seether FINALLY putting out another album. It just came out last month, it's called "Holding Onto Strings Better Left to Fray", and despite the cumbersome title it's quite possibly their best ever (though the last one, "Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces", is still high on my favorite list). Hopefully we won't have to wait 4 years for the next one, because they just keep getting better. My crush on Shaun Morgan is renewed.

I'm also currently super-excited for ASBA, which is starting up again THIS SUNDAY!!!! This year I get to be the villain for a change, which means I get to be the pirate queen (holler!). It also apparently means that I only have about 2 lines. If I get to refer to Abby as my minion, that might help me feel better. Still trying to decide if I'm doing over-the-top evil or more of a sultry evil (while still church appropriate, of course). I'm leaning toward the latter, but I guess that'll be finalized at rehearsal on Saturday.

So anyway, I'll try to remember to put something here occasionally from now on. I was finished with work last week, so I should have more time until the end of August (or until I find a summer job).